Fearne Cotton’s on a quest for deeper connections in her new book Bigger Than Us, and she’s not afraid of what the cynics say.
In an exclusive extract from her new book, Fearne Cotton explains why she could never have dreamed of writing a book like Bigger Than Us five years ago, but her quest for deeper meaning in life led her along a path she had to follow.
Writing my new book, Bigger Than Us, has changed my life. I’ve gulped down knowledge with an unrivalled thirst and made willing changes to my life in the name of finding a deeper connection. Yet I had no idea of the impact it would have on me. I had no clue that so much would change in such a short space of time.
I’m at a pivotal point in life where I feel that the lurking fog, which crept in like a November morning in my early thirties, is lifting. Writing my new book has marked the start of a process of shedding I didn’t even know I needed, with old layers of life peeling away, falling off in great swaths to reveal new perspectives and a much welcomed lightness.
By now we all have a rough idea of how to look after our bodies and minds. We know that eating a balanced diet, doing a bit of exercise and remembering that cigarettes look cool in films but suck for our lungs will help our bodies out. We know that having decent relationships with others, doing things we love and refraining from bingeing social media will give us a healthier mind.
But what about the other bit? The… what do-you-wanna-call-it bit? The soul? Spirit? Awareness? Energy? I don’t mind what you call it as I’m not sure what name to pin on it myself, but I know it’s there. I personally believe – wait, sod it, I want to be pretty definite about this – I KNOW that I am not just a body and a mind.
There is some other inexplicable part of me which I think gets forgotten about far too regularly; the part of me that feels a deep instant connection with certain strangers I’ve met over the years; the part of me that is pure intuition and knows the answer even though I’m tempted to google the question; the part of me that felt and saw a celestial rainbow of colours during childbirth; the part of me that has felt pure bliss when tripping out looking at the sky; the part of me that could burst into a million tiny pieces when hearing a song that just gets me. How am I looking after that part of me?
As well as nurturing that part of ourselves that gets massively overshadowed by our bodies and minds, I wanted to explore the concept of everything else outside of us too – again, call it what you like: God, a higher power, the universe – and how we connect and perhaps even communicate with it. Not to complicate matters too much early on but this exterior energy, or higher power, is recognised by many spiritual leaders as something that is within us, not outside of us as we may believe.
“I’m at a pivotal point in life where I feel that the lurking fog, which crept in like a November morning in my early thirties, is lifting.”
Reconnecting with Life
I believe that we need to look at this part of ourselves and find new ways to expand our thinking now more than ever before. En masse we’ve never been in more trouble and we know it. We can’t always pinpoint why but the jittery feeling of discontentment is never far away. There probably hasn’t been a time in history when we have been so stressed, anxious, depressed, confused and at times disheartened. We are more technologically advanced than ever before, can video-call someone on the other side of the planet, order shoes that arrive on the same day, send satellites into space to aid/support us navigate our route to work and have modern medicine to help us in physical crises, yet we’re usually dissatisfied and feel we are lacking. We have more than any other generation, yet that feeling of lacking is growing by the minute.
“We have more than any other generation, yet that feeling of lacking is growing by the minute.”
I think all of these uncomfortable feelings are rooted in our total subliminal disconnect. It’s something I’ve talked about at length to my dear friend Sarah Wilson (activist, writer and all-round amazing egg). We are all in ‘disconnect’. We know we are abusing our planet, we know we aren’t always genuinely connecting with other humans heart to heart, we know we are driven more by fear and less by love and are floundering around wondering why we feel so off-centre. We cannot fix this feeling with a new workout, by changing our diets or with mindfulness alone.
Something much bigger, more expansive and more powerful is needed. Connection. Connection isn’t calling up your mate once a week to check in (lovely as that is). True connection is remembering we are all one – not just as individual humans (which we seemingly forget on a daily basis with our road rage, divisive attitudes and war), but also with nature. There is no separation or distinction. That might not ring true to you immediately but it is something I explore in the book as we work out how to nurture our souls and get back to total connection.
Originally published in full on stylist.co.uk. Re-published with permission. Part 1.
Image Credit: Instatram
- Fearne Cotton, author of Bigger Than Us