Over the past two years, parents have functioned as the primary teacher, tech support specialist, and home office principal. In-between taking calls and giving directions, they have fielded dozens of questions from highly energized kids. This exhausting inquisitiveness can test even the most patient parent. I know first-hand from raising six of my own that sometimes the never-ending curiosity of our children can wear us down, but I assure you it will lead to remarkable things down the road. As difficult as it may be, I encourage you to try your best not to discourage it.
I once had a little boy who wanted to count everything. He would spill out a box of toothpicks or paperclips and meticulously add up each one. Before kindergarten, my son understood counting coins and comprehended the concept that four quarters combined to make a dollar. He would spend over an hour at times counting and gathering piles, each with twenty-five. He would group four stacks together to create “dollar” piles, each one-hundred count. He would ask me to confirm the count of the items before he grouped them into more enormous piles of one hundred. Some days I found it adorable, but there were other days I found it incredibly frustrating and interruptive.
Admittedly, it was a bit easier for me this go around because he was my third child, and I knew he was curious for a reason, but some days I struggled and had to walk away to regain my patience. Sometimes his urgency to know and my patience to help him discover were not in sync. It can be challenging for parents and caregivers to stay calm and supportive when we are being barraged with questions. Was he searching for an amount? Was a four- or five-year-old child really that curious about finding the correct answer?
No. My son was experimenting, not with counting but discovering his passion and soliciting feedback. A child connecting to a passion is a process. A good teacher accepts they don’t have all the answers, so do good parents.
Being a good parent isn’t about having all the answers; it’s about not shutting down the questions.
As parents, teachers, and caregivers, how can we encourage curiosity without driving ourselves into an endless roundabout of redundancy?
It is essential to understand that kids ask questions and even may repeat the same question as a process to piece together information that makes sense to them. It’s crucial to nurture their curiosity because this can develop behaviors that lead to solution-oriented thinking as they mature.
Specifically, parents can spark curiosity by introducing their children to different people, places, and things. Showing children the immense diversity in the world is easier than you may think. Discuss the variety of jobs people do and the various uniforms they wear. Visit museums, explore parks, or shop in international aisles of the grocery store. All these things can introduce a cross-section of cultures the world offers.
Play guessing games and ask open-ended questions that begin with why, what, and how to let their imagination wander in its wonderment. Acknowledge their question by saying “great question” or “that’s an interesting thought” and follow up by encouraging them to uncover some answers with a “what do you think?” response. When we create an intentional pause from the task we’re engaged with, offering our little one direct eye contact with a friendly face can often be the best response.
Keep curious spaces safe without condemnation. Trying times motivated me to remember the opposite of a curious, question-filled child searching for answers: a child with folded arms, resistant to learn, and filled with frustration because they feel unheard. If questions arise at an inopportune time, acknowledge them, and offer a time that you can strategize together later in the day.
When a child feels heard, they feel answered.
Follow through on your promise. Meet with your child even if they need to be reminded about their earlier question. They may have forgotten about their question, but they will surely remember you heard them.
You may wonder what happened to my toothpick-piling preschooler?
My curious counter grew up to study physics in two counties and went on to complete his graduate degree in biostatistics at Columbia University. He wove his curiosity to learn and normalized analyzing feedback into a rewarding career in public health. He still loves numbers, but moreover, he loves his life.
- Kelly Rippon, author of Parent Up