The first step to changing any habit is to become AWARE of the habit. Here's an example from Martin Grunburg, author of The Habit Factor that brings the point home:
I fixed our shower handle a couple of months ago. I had to—the pipe rusted on the inside of the wall and the handle fell off. The good news was, since it wasn't originally installed properly, this was my opportunity to correct the H and C designations. For more than five years, this has been a minor peeve. I figured it'd be nice if the H actually produced hot water and the C cold water. So, after the shower handle was fixed, you'd expect my wife and me to be pretty pleased that it finally worked properly, right?
Well, consider that since we moved in, we had been "trained" to know that H equaled cold water and C produced hot water. Yes, we were literally programmed to expect that the H delivered cold water.
So, just yesterday, about mid-shower, I noticed the water getting too hot. I quickly and automatically without thought turned the handle to H again, programmed by my five years of use. Care to guess what happened?
Correct. I GOT BURNED.
All of us "get burned" in one way or another by our bad habits. But, you can make a change in your life by identifying and defining the habit you intend to break. What are the outcomes stemming from this habit? What are the inputs leading to this habit, the triggers? We cannot solve a problem we do not understand. Habits are merely a reflection of a deeper, more powerful, subconscious thought-system. To change them, we have to learn to think differently, to see differently and to believe differently. Therefore, it is not just the behavior we must identify and define.
We must identify the underlying assumptions, perceptions, thoughts and beliefs leading to the behavior.
For example, if a person has a tendency to become impatient or angry, especially under stress, will power and resistance to the behavior without a deep shift in thinking will not work. Anything we fight, we make stronger. Resisting the habit will only weaken us and eventually bring feelings of defeat, guilt and increased stress. This creates a vicious circle. The tendency to get angry and impatient will return, bringing with it an attitude of despair and weakness leading to more anger. To effectively change habits, we must learn to break the cycle. We must learn to change the ingredients that lead to the outcome. Think of this like baking a cake. To change the cake, we must change the recipe.
HABIT BUSTER
Try this. Stop right now and identify a repeated, habitual behavior you would like to change. We have to replace any habits that limit us with habits that empower and reward us.
What is one habit you would like to replace? Think of one thing you would like to change, one habit you would like to break. Now write it down. Define it clearly and be specific.
- I tend to become impatient in traffic, airport lines, waiting rooms or with a slow computer.
- I tend to resist change, new ideas, new relationships or uncertainty.
- I tend to avoid taking risks or exploring new ground.
- I tend to procrastinate.
- I tend to eat too much or eat unhealthy foods.
- I tend to watch too much television or waste time on non-value added activities.
- I tend to drink too much.
- I tend to jump to conclusions or assume the worst.
- I tend to judge people or be critical of others.
- I tend to worry about my health, my family or my future.
- I tend to be an extremist, addicting myself to unhealthy thinking or activity.
- I tend to be lazy.
- I tend to look for quick fixes.
- I tend to be defensive, rationalizing my behavior.
- I tend to resist help, insisting I can do things on my own.
- I tend to be emotional, wearing my feelings on my sleeves.
- I tend to be overly analytical, seeing only black and white in a world of gray.
- I tend to want to control everything or figure everything out.