Guest Bloggers

Making Relocation the Catalyst for Life Changes and Self Growth

If you are being forced to relocate to another part of the country, or even another part of your state, you may not be feeling very happy about your move right now. You might even feel like the bumper sticker that says, "Why does life keep teaching me lessons that I have no desire to learn?"

I don't know why life teaches us lessons that we have no desire to learn. What I do know is that those times in life when we are faced with a hard lesson are the times when opportunity is always greatest. As Willa Cather said (somebody should make this into a bumper sticker too!), "Some things we learn best in calm, and some in storm."

Put another way, when life gives us a chance to learn a lesson, we have the chance to open a present. We don't know what may lie inside the wrapping paper. Does the package contain something exciting and wonderful? Or something boring and mundane? Or does it, perhaps, contain a book we've read before? Been there, done that, didn't want to do it again.

The thing about this present, though, is that what it contains has not yet been decided. You are sitting there, with a present in your lap, and as you unwrap it, you get to decide what that package contains. That's not the way opening presents normally works. But it is the way this present works. That's what is so magical about a life change like relocation. It truly will be what you make of it.

So how do you change your outlook from self-pity to excitement and anticipation of good things to come? Try these strategies.

1. Change your self talk. Scientists are beginning to study the effect that the thoughts you have in your brain have on the rest of your body. Have you ever heard of the placebo effect in medical studies? Sometimes, when doctors tell patients they are being given a strong medicine, the effect of each patient's faith in that strong medicine is so powerful that even the patients in the control group get better, or at least have significant improvement in their symptoms. (The control group in a medical study contains patients who aren't really being given medicine but who are instead being given, for example, sugar pills, or the equivalent depending on the treatment that is being studied -- so that doctors can see what the true effect of taking the medicine is compared to taking nothing.)

Placebo studies show us the power of thoughts in the brain to change actual, physical realities. You may be thinking that your job outlook does not depend on your thoughts. But, when your thoughts are positive, you behave different than you do when you have negative thoughts. You may see opportunities that you wouldn't have noticed if you were walking around in a cloud of self pity. You may think more creatively about your options, finding opportunities to learn new things that will help you to advance in your career, or you may suddenly notice that you are moving to a city in which there are many businesses that fall into your industry, giving you the chance to move horizontally, to a similar job in a company with a different corporate culture, if that is what you are looking for.

2. Set goals. Once you have started to think about what a positive change your relocation will be, try getting more specific. Visualize where you want to be and what you want to be doing, at set mileposts that are still down the road. Think of what you would like to be doing in a year, and what steps you will have to take to get to that point. Don't self-censor your dreams! You may think that your dream is unlikely to come true. That doesn't matter. In the words of Robert Browning, "A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what is heaven for?" Or, more prosaically, as Leo Burnett put it, "When you reach for the stars, you may not quite get one, but you won't come up with a handful of mud either."

Setting goals is a way of keeping your eye on the ball, so to speak. If your goal is to advance within your company, you will want to make sure to set yourself up to get the kind of experience that would be looked for by someone doing a job search for the position you are hoping to get. If you need additional education, you will need to find a way to make that happen. Start with your goal, work backward, and you will have a road map, or guide, telling you what steps to take at each stage of your journey.

3. Get more information. If your upcoming move is getting you down, it may be because you do not have enough information about the place where you are going. Getting information is a good way to put your worries to rest when positive thinking is not enough to dispel them. If there is some burning question on your mind that has you bothered, find out the answer. What are the schools like in the area? Is public transportation reliable? How are you going to keep in touch with the friends and family you are leaving behind?

One way to quickly change your own attitude about your move is to set aside your career for a moment and think about your personal interests. Do you have a particular church that you want to look for in your new neighborhood? Are there hobbies that you enjoy that you may find new chances to spend time, because of a neighborhood group or resources in a city that is different from the one where you used to live?

4. Find things that you can look forward to about the move itself. Do you love to travel by train? See if you can find a way to arrange your move so that you can go by train. If you are traveling across the country, think of it as a vacation -- a road trip that you are taking for fun. Even if the move was imposed on you, nobody is stopping you from having fun with it. Be a tourist along the way. Stop at museums in strange cities, or go to see the Grand Canyon, Mount Rushmore, or the Smoky Mountains. Take pictures. Collect postcards. Document your trip in a scrapbook. You may feel that this is the last thing you want to remember. But guess what? When you start to act as though it is an enjoyable even that you want to preserve for posterity, that's what it will become -- a special time to spend time with your family, get to know them better, and see a part of the country that you may never have seen before.

Finally, my last and, in my opinion, most profound suggestion and challenge to those facing a tough move: make a list of all the things that you hate about this relocation. Then turn each negative into a positive. Suppose that you are moving from the Southwest to the Midwest. Yes, you hate long drives, but you'll get to stop in Chicago and visit the Field Museum. Yes, you dislike cold, icy winters, but you will love going to the lakefront in the summer. Yes, you got passed up for the promotion you wanted in your old department, but you are being given a chance to shine in front of a new group of people who don't know anything about you except that you were handpicked to come and be with them. Be your own spin doctor, and before you know it, you will find yourself believing the spin -- and really, truly making the best out of this move.

Art Decker is a division manager with Self Storage Company, which operates a group of websites, including a California self storage locator. Art leads a busy life and often travels from Texas to Washington D.C. As a result, Art has had the opportunity to witness many people amidst relocation and has paid attention to how and why some people have an easier time adjusting to a relocation than others do.

Today, I'm happy to share an article specially written for you by Marlene Chism. Marlene wrote Stop Your Drama and specializes in "no drama" communication.

Your boss doesn't listen to your ideas. Your spouse refuses to try to understand. Your employees resist your leadership, and secretly you know you keep doing things you don't really want to do but you feel stuck and don't know how to tip the lever to change. What we are talking about is resistance.

Until you are trained, resistance is nearly impossible to spot because often it can be subtle. Good listening is one way to uncovering resistance in yourself and others. Why should you care? If you want to shift your current circumstances you can do so more quickly if you can spot the pockets of resistance. If you lead others, knowing where there is resistance will help you to coach that person toward positive change. There are many signs that a person is in resistance. In this checklist here are five of them

1. Justification

2. Know it all

3. Need for Approval

4. Living out of the zone

5. Complaining

Justification

Justification is a fancy word for excuses. Listen for the words, "but and can't" and you will uncover pockets of resistance. I can't do it: it's too difficult, or "I would but I don't have enough money." Until a person stops making excuses, there is no room for positive action.

Know it all

A blocked mindset or stubborn resistance shows up in strong opinions and superiority such as, "I already know that is what he will say," or "That will never happen." Until a person is willing to consider another possible reality you will have a lot of energy spent on resisting your ideas or your leadership.

Need for approval

Most people never truly grow out of their need for agreement and approval. The result is procrastination or endless surveying of others in the form of "what do you think I should do?" This type of resistance paralyzes people in fear because they are afraid of making the wrong decision or making someone angry. It's good to get other insights and opinions but needing approval is another way to avoid criticism as well as a way to avoid personal responsibility.

Living out of the zone

One sure sign of resistance is living so far into the future or too far into the past. If on a number line negative ten represents the past and positive ten represents the future, the zone, or the present moment is somewhere between negative 2 and positive 2, or learning from the past and planning for the future. Anything beyond that is resistance to the only power you really have which is the now. Living for the future is a way to resist the present moment by believing that once the future arrives, relief will come. "Once I get the raise, once the economy gets better, once I lose the weight, and meet the right partner then…" The other form of resistance is living in the past, either talking about glory days or regretting past mistakes. The way out of resistance is to live in the present.

Complaining

Any form of negativity is resistance and a big time waster. Instead of doing the one thing to promote positive change, time is spent focusing on what is not working, what is unacceptable, how someone done someone wrong, how things should have been, what might have been, what opportunity was missed and how unfair it all is. Until one accepts the present situation, the "leak in the boat" continues to expand and worsen the situation.

Marlene Chism is the author of Stop Workplace Drama and is the founder of the Stop Your Drama Methodology. To learn more about how to release resistance click here.

Today, we have a guest post from, Lisa Hammond! Lisa is best known by her blogger alias, The Barefoot CEO®. Lisa also co-authored one of our newest titles, Oh Thank Goodness, It's Not Just Me! with BJ Gallagher.

In Nevada we don't have the lottery, we have Mega Bucks—a progressive slot machine game—it may not be 300 million dollars, but it is certainly enough to change your life.

I am not a real gambler but whenever we go to the movies we walk right past the Mega Bucks machines and I like to put in a few bucks and fantasize about winning.

So every now and then I like to do what I call my "Mega Bucks Litmus Test". It goes a little something like this…I ponder what I would do if I actually won Mega Bucks.

Over the years there have been times I wouldn't change a thing. There have been times I would make radical changes. And there have been times I would only make slight modifications to my life. But what I have learned about myself is that this somewhat silly Mega Bucks Litmus Test actually has merit.

Life is too short to wait for our 10 million dollar ship to come in!

Whenever I mull over my Mega Bucks Litmus Test I inevitably end up course correcting and adjusting the sails on the ship of my life.

So what would YOU do if you won Mega Bucks?

We ALL Have Something to Contribute to Life

"Someone out there needs you more than you need them!" – Lt. General Hal Moore

I remember a day, many years ago, when I had the privilege to meet Alma Powell. "Young or old, you still have something to give to your country," she said. Now that I'm squarely positioned in the "mature" segment of our population, I think a lot about the wisdom of this statement, and believe that it applies to life as well.

Who's to say that a person of a "certain age" contributes less to our world than someone of youth and physical prowess? I plan on living at least another 50 years on this planet (I have to – I have way too many plans to check out earlier!!), and not in one mental image of myself down the road do I see a woman who is not giving back to my community, country, friends, family and earth. I will leave this world kicking and screaming if I don't make a difference. And, honestly, part of the drive within me to do something significant comes from a huge recognition of the trails blazed and conquered by those who have come before me. My achievements are meant to be an acknowledgement of the debt I owe to those who created the life I have, and who did so in uncertain, difficult, and often deadly circumstances. Giving back is part of who I am.

So, when I was offered the chance to come to Montevallo, Alabama to honor General Hal Moore as he was appointed Distinguished National Honorary Chair of The American Citizenship Trust and its American Village Campus; and to see him present the American Freedom Award to his longtime friend General George W. Casey, Jr., and posthumously to General George W. Casey, Sr., a fire in my belly said, "Go!"

I did, and I didn't look back. In anticipation of what I knew was going to be an amazing experience, in the midst of the events of the celebration weekend, which included the 88th birthday celebration of General Moore, as well as a 10th Anniversary celebration of the American Citizenship Trust, I opened myself up to meeting amazing people like Tom Walker, Founder and CEO of the American Citizenship Trust, and his wonderful, accomplished staff at the American Village.

I met the man called "Driver," the author of A Tender Warrior, and his lovely and spirited wife Char. I had the pleasure of meeting Brian Sobel, of Sobel Communications, a specialist in military history and events, who has interviewed and written about General Moore for publication numerous times.

But, I cannot tell a lie. The event truly came alive for me the minute the beloved Vietnam War hero himself, Lt. General Hal Moore, walked into view, a handsome soldier with a huge, beautiful smile. When he passed by me in the processional, I knew I was right where I was meant to be that day. And when he delivered his prepared speech with strength and conviction and energy, nearly 600 of us were electrified. We were truly "in the presence of greatness."

Diane Y. Chapman is President of Words To Your Advantage Speaking and Writing service. Her website is www.dichapman.com.

Exciting News! Simple Truths author BJ Gallagher has been featured on the San Francisco ABC morning show, and she was generous enough to share the clip. BJ has written three books for us, including The Best Way Out is Always Through, Learning to Dance in the Rain, and A Peacock in the Land of Penguins. BJ just released a new book called It's Never Too Late to Be What You Might Have Been. Check it out on her website.

What BJ had to say in this short clip rang true for me. I have a neighbor and a couple family members that are struggling with unemployment right now. They can vouch for the fact that it's hard in any economy to find a job. While introducing them to potential recruiters is the most tangible way that I can help them, I also notice that a quick prayer, an encouraging word, or a "how are you holding up?" seems to be equally as helpful. I sent them this video clip, because I think that confidence during the job interview is just as important as the interview itself.

So, when you have been job searching, what has been the most encouraging thing that you have heard? What helped you finally get the job? How have you helped others?