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    February 2020

    Are You Ready to Wake Up?

    February 24, 2020 10 Views No comments

    Are you ready to wake up? Ready to open yourself to new possibilities? Ready to create a new way of looking at life? You might ask, "Is it possible?" And I say a resounding, "YES!" Not only is it possible, but it's also something we should strive for daily. Waking up, seeing reality for what it is, precisely as it is without regrets of the past and fears of the future, is what we're destined for! I know it's a big ask, but it's what we need to do to live fulfilled lives.


    In my latest book, I share a simple but powerful tool to help you wake up. Like the book's title, it's called The Get To Principle. It's a simple way of looking at life and changing HOW you are experiencing WHAT you are experiencing. It's moving from dread to joy in almost everything you do.


    Here's how it works: Whenever you are doing something, and you say or think, "I have to…", change it to "I Get To…" For example, as you are doing the dishes, you might say or be thinking, "I have to do the dishes." You might even grumble a bit. Even if you're not speaking or thinking it specifically, it's a feeling inside, one of obligation or being a victim to what you are doing. That feeling is, "I have to do this."


    As soon as you feel that or notice you're saying or thinking, "I have to do this," stop yourself and say, "I Get To do this." When you consciously do this, you'll start to notice three things:

    1. You immediately feel compassion for others. You don't have to do the dishes; you Get To. Twenty thousand people will starve to death today on the planet. And you Got To have a meal. Wow, you Get To do the dishes.

    2. From that feeling of compassion rises a sense of gratitude. With each scrub of the dish or pan, you feel grateful for your life, no matter what's going on in it.

    3. Finally, with compassion and gratitude welling up inside, you become inspired to live a better life, do more, tap into your "true self," and begin to create something better for the world. Action for a higher purpose, whatever that is for you, becomes a dominant thought.


    Cleaning the cat box? You Get To. Rushing out the door to get the kids to school? You Get To. Here's a big one: Mourning the death of a loved one? Yes, you Get To. This isn't a quirky "just get over it" attitude. It's a profound realization of knowing life is as it is, and your acceptance of it as it is the highest form of living.


    There is even more to Get To. Do you meditate? Or have you wanted to? I've meditated for over 30 years, sitting with monks in temples in the mountains of Hiroshima, Japan, attending a 10-day, silent meditation in the hills of central California, and even, after meeting Mother Teresa in Calcutta, meditating under the Bodhi Tree where the Buddha is said to have found enlightenment.


    But now my meditations are different, and they tap into the Get To principle in a profound way. The basic premise is to recognize that everything we are experiencing is "content of consciousness." Notably, the thoughts that are arising as you sit quietly are merely content that is emerging in consciousness. It is not you. Everything is coming out of nothingness, and we are the experience of all that is arising. It's a very profound viewpoint to have and fits Get To perfectly.


    You see, when you say, "I Get To," you let go of the victim's viewpoint of what's happening, and your mind gets quiet as you allow what is happening to be just as it is. When you smile, it makes it all that much sweeter.

    We've all had our ups and downs and twists and turns in life. We're all heading for a certain death that we mostly don’t think about. But as we start to wake up from the dream of our thoughts and the victim mentality that comes with saying “I have to”, and start thinking and saying, "I Get To," your life begins to change, and you feel, well, just fine.

    -Ted Larkins, author of The Get To Principle

    For more on living a life full of joy, check out The Get To Principle>>

    Remember The Follow-Up: X by Y

    February 17, 2020 2041 Views No comments

    Ever leave a meeting wondering what, if anything, will happen as a result? Ever been surprised when people come to a meeting and report that they did not complete the actions they agreed upon in the last meeting?

    Of course, we all have. And we’ve experienced the same issues in other ways:

    • -Ever commit to do something and then, as the date gets closer, wish you could be let off the hook for delivery?
    • -Ever wish that you could call and check on something but worry about being seen as micromanaging?
    • -Ever assign a task to someone simply because they are the one team member you can rely upon when something must get done?


    Giving and keeping your word is important, but in our hectic, overwhelmed, excuse-filled world, it’s often missing. That’s why if you establish a reputation of reliably fulfilling your commitments, you’ll stand out. People will love to have you as a colleague.

    What does it mean to give and keep your word? People who are known for their reliability do the following:

    • -are specific in what they say they will do
    • -include a completion date
    • -call and renegotiate when required
    • -provide updates on progress if appropriate
    • -keep a list of everything they have promised
    • -don’t offer excuses for nonperformance


    None of the following are commitments: I’ll look into it; sounds like a good idea; I’ll give it my best; let me check with my team; let me see what I can do.

    These are expressions that well-intended people use when they agree with what is being asked of them. The intent is good, but execution is at risk because completion dates are missing. And only when a completion date is included do people become clear about their responsibility to take action.


    Sometimes, life gets in the way…

    People who keep their word occasionally find that completing a task is either not going to happen as planned or a shift in priority has occurred. When that happens, they call immediately and discuss the situation with the person to whom they committed. Together, they decide what is best:

    • -stick with the original date
    • -change the date
    • -revoke the commitment
    • -find an alternative way to get the task completed as originally determined


    The point is that the exchange and delivery of commitments is dynamic because circumstances often change. As soon as the due date is in jeopardy, effective people talk and come up with a new commitment that makes sense to both parties. What’s important is that there are no surprises.


    Keep a record of your promises

    Often commitments are not kept because we lose track of what we have promised. Take a moment and write down everything that you have promised to your boss, team, colleagues, kids, partner, and friends. Include those actions where you didn’t actually promise, but someone expects or wants you to do it.

    Not many people in life will ask you to do X by Y, so it’s up to you to hear every hint as a possible direct request and make the expectations clear for both parties.


    The palest ink is better than the strongest memory.
    —Chinese proverb

    I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep.
    —Robert Frost

    Paul Axtell, author of Make Meetings Matter


    For more on ways to transform meetings, check out Make Meetings Matter>>


    The Hidden Costs of Not Ending Your Meetings on Time

    February 10, 2020 1520 Views No comments

    One of the most common complaints about meetings is that they consistently run over and delay people getting to their next meeting or activity. That is an obvious cost, but the hidden costs are more impactful.

    If you establish a pattern of not ending your meetings on time, you and the organization will pay a price. First of all, people expect that whoever calls a meeting will respect their time and talent by designing and leading that meeting effectively. They will leave frustrated when you do not, and your reputation as a competent manager will be diminished.

    Second, if people begin to anticipate that a meeting will not end on time, they will pull back. They’ll stop asking questions for clarity. They’ll stop offering differing perspectives or approaches. They will begin to lessen their attention and engagement. Eventually they will simply disconnect and wait for the meeting to be over.

    Third, people want to be engaged and aligned with the organization, but if they become frustrated with how meetings are prepared and led, they will pull back their comments, questions, and support.

    4 Tips for consistently ending on time

    Tip 1: Schedule fewer agenda items. Keep the number of items on the agenda as small as possible. There will be less pressure to rush through the agenda if you have fewer items, and participants will be able to focus on each conversation if there are not ten topics to divide their attention. A good guideline is two meaningful topics per hour. You must have enough time to discuss the topic, reach alignment, and agree on next steps. The criteria remain the same regardless of the meeting topic: Are you doing complete work on each topic? Does each conversation lead to clarity and alignment about what happens next?

    Tip 2: Keep group size to eight or fewer. Who should be part of the conversation in order to accomplish the outcomes defined in the agenda? Whose presence is necessary for the topics to be discussed and handled? Who must be there to get the work done? Who, if they can’t attend, means you might as well reschedule? Five to eight is the best size for most working groups—small enough to sit in intimate physical proximity, easy to get everyone’s views considered, enough differing views and experience to ensure a robust discussion, and small enough to assure a candid and authentic conversation. One caveat: less is more.

    Tip 3: Keep the conversation on track. The main reason for meetings running over time is that conversations are allowed to drift off track. There are four reasons conversations go off track: lack of clarity about the process to be followed in working through the conversation (process steps); people with a pattern of talking too long or too often and neglect to make sure their comments add value; problem solving when that’s not the purpose of the discussion; no one is willing to bring the group back on task once the conversation has strayed. Ideally this is the responsibility of the meeting leader, but any participant will be doing everyone a favor by pointing out that the focus has shifted.

    Tip 4: Make ending on time one of the meeting outcomes. If you establish a new pattern of designing and leading well-run meetings that add value, move projects forward, and respect people’s time, you will also add another layer of credibility to your leadership of the group. You want people to look forward to being in your meeting, and they want your meeting to be one that enhances their workday.

    Start on time, stay on track, end early.

    “The best things arrive on time.”

    —Dorothy Gilman, American writer

    Paul Axtell, author of Make Meetings Matter


    For more on ways to transform meetings, check out Make Meetings Matter>>


    What is Your Game Within the Game?

    February 3, 2020 8125 Views No comments

    Want to be really good? It takes patience, persistence, and practice!

    “Game within the game” is an expression that comes from sports. Athletes are committed to improving as they play. This is different from practicing before a game. This is about choosing to focus on one aspect of their performance as they play their game.

    You have probably used the same principle with your kids in soccer. In each game, you or their coach give them something to work on during the game:

    -getting back faster on defense

    -passing the ball quicker after receiving it

    -maintaining the proper distance from team mates

    The key to improving performance in any sphere is choosing a critical variable to work on, then working on it for two weeks until it becomes natural, intuitive, and available to you at all times.


    Don’t practice until you get it right. Practice until you can’t get it wrong.

    In sports, you can practice between games. But in most areas of life—meetings, parenting, relationships, conversations—we aren’t given time to practice. We are just expected to go out there and be good every day.

    Still, getting better at something takes deliberate practice. It requires choosing something to focus on and then working on that behavior until it becomes instinctive. Two weeks is a workable time frame. If you remind yourself as you begin each day, then reflect back on how you did at the end of the day, you’ll quickly create a new awareness.

    Here are ten ideas you can practice to improve your meetings. Most of these ideas have broad application in life. Work on each for two weeks and you’ll begin to notice the idea as either present or missing; and with this awareness you’ll have a choice to change your normal response.

    1. Look for who is not yet participating in the conversation. Who is on the outside?
    2. Who interrupts whom? What happens to the interrupted person and the conversation that is interrupted?
    3. Note each time the conversation changes. Do not change a conversation without permission.
    4. Note every time someone promises to do something and no deadline is expressed.
    5. Look for the four key elements of effective conversation: clarity, candor, commitment and completion (clarity: clear, shared understanding of what was said; candor: being self-expressed; commitment: do X by Y; completion: we are not going to leave this topic until we are all ready to leave it).
    6. Set aside technology and be fully present. Notice when others are focused on their screens and their attention would make a difference.
    7. Practice focused speaking: Be clear, concise, and relevant.
    8. Each time humor is used in a conversation, ask yourself whether it added value to the conversation. Watch out for teasing and sarcasm.
    9. Watch your speaking: if you’re usually too fast, slow down; if you’re usually rambling, work on being more concise; if you’re too quiet, work on speaking up.
    10. Whenever you notice yourself wondering what someone means, ask for clarity. Stop guessing at what people mean.

    Paul Axtell, author of Make Meetings Matter

    For more on ways to transform meetings, check out Make Meetings Matter>>



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