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    June 2010

    Five Red Flags of Resistance and Why Resistance Keeps You Stuck

    June 29, 2010 3280 Views

    marlene_chismToday, I'm happy to share an article specially written for you by Marlene Chism. Marlene wrote Stop Your Drama and specializes in "no drama" communication.

    Your boss doesn't listen to your ideas. Your spouse refuses to try to understand. Your employees resist your leadership, and secretly you know you keep doing things you don't really want to do but you feel stuck and don't know how to tip the lever to change. What we are talking about is resistance.

    Until you are trained, resistance is nearly impossible to spot because often it can be subtle. Good listening is one way to uncovering resistance in yourself and others. Why should you care? If you want to shift your current circumstances you can do so more quickly if you can spot the pockets of resistance. If you lead others, knowing where there is resistance will help you to coach that person toward positive change. There are many signs that a person is in resistance. In this checklist here are five of them

    1. Justification

    2. Know it all

    3. Need for Approval

    4. Living out of the zone

    5. Complaining

    Justification

    Justification is a fancy word for excuses. Listen for the words, "but and can't" and you will uncover pockets of resistance. I can't do it: it's too difficult, or "I would but I don't have enough money." Until a person stops making excuses, there is no room for positive action.

    Know it all

    A blocked mindset or stubborn resistance shows up in strong opinions and superiority such as, "I already know that is what he will say," or "That will never happen." Until a person is willing to consider another possible reality you will have a lot of energy spent on resisting your ideas or your leadership.

    Need for approval

    Most people never truly grow out of their need for agreement and approval. The result is procrastination or endless surveying of others in the form of "what do you think I should do?" This type of resistance paralyzes people in fear because they are afraid of making the wrong decision or making someone angry. It's good to get other insights and opinions but needing approval is another way to avoid criticism as well as a way to avoid personal responsibility.

    Living out of the zone

    One sure sign of resistance is living so far into the future or too far into the past. If on a number line negative ten represents the past and positive ten represents the future, the zone, or the present moment is somewhere between negative 2 and positive 2, or learning from the past and planning for the future. Anything beyond that is resistance to the only power you really have which is the now. Living for the future is a way to resist the present moment by believing that once the future arrives, relief will come. "Once I get the raise, once the economy gets better, once I lose the weight, and meet the right partner then…" The other form of resistance is living in the past, either talking about glory days or regretting past mistakes. The way out of resistance is to live in the present.

    Complaining

    Any form of negativity is resistance and a big time waster. Instead of doing the one thing to promote positive change, time is spent focusing on what is not working, what is unacceptable, how someone done someone wrong, how things should have been, what might have been, what opportunity was missed and how unfair it all is. Until one accepts the present situation, the "leak in the boat" continues to expand and worsen the situation.

    Marlene Chism is the author of Stop Workplace Drama and is the founder of the Stop Your Drama Methodology. To learn more about how to release resistance click here.

    Tornadoes and Emergencies help you Realize: Every Day is a Gift

    June 25, 2010 2076 Views

    Earlier this week we had some very windy weather. As I rushed down to the basement floor from my top floor office suite, I could hear the tornado warnings blaring outside. Right before I headed downstairs, I searched my bookshelf for something that would take my mind off of the weather outside and keep me entertained while I sat out the storm. I chose Every Day is a Gift, and rushed out of my office.

    As I sat in the corner of the basement break room, I started reading a chapter called, "Someday Isle". It really touched me, and I'll explain why. First, though, here's the chapter from Barry Gottlieb's book Every Day is a Gift:

    I have often heard it said that one of life's greatest tragedies is when someone dies at a young age. I believe an even greater tragedy would be to live to one hundred, without ever having really lived.Someday Isle is well known to most people. It is a place that we dream of and talk about, but where we never seem to arrive. Someday Isle is all of those things we wanted to do in our lives; all those places we wanted to visit; all those things we wanted to have. But we put them off because of "Someday I'll." Someday I'll try whitewater rafting ... Someday I'll finish school ... Someday I'll move out of this neighborhood ... Someday I'll have a family ... Someday I'll be somebody.Think about it. What have you been putting off doing that you have always wanted to do, to have, to be? Ask yourself, what is keeping you from doing these things? Do you have limiting beliefs or fears? Are these limiting beliefs or fears real, or are they just excuses?What if you didn?t have any excuses? What would you do?I am aware of terminally ill cancer patients that have formed "Adventure Clubs." These patients have been told they are going to die, some in a few months, others in several months, and a lucky few within the next 2-5 years.These patients started adventure clubs to seek out and do everything they were afraid to do when they were "well." They went white water rafting, sky diving, rode roller coasters and ate spicy foods they never tried before. They visited places they always wanted to see, but never made time for. They simply made the best out of every day they had left, without fear or limiting beliefs.They would tell their loved ones they loved them, every day. They didn't hold back!You already know this, but chances are you may have lost sight of it. Nobody is promised tomorrow. We are all going to die one day. You don't need to have a terminal illness to decide you want to live each and every day to the fullest.YOU have that choice today. You always have!

    As I sat in the basement hearing the wind howl, I thought of what I would regret if that was my last day on Earth. A lot of "Someday I'll" things that I thought about - travel the globe, digitally record my Dad's stories, learn cooking secrets from my Mom, read the books I've been meaning to read - had potential to become "I never ended up doings".

    As the sirens quieted, the wind died down, and we all emerged from our hiding places, I had a renewed interest in turning "Someday Isle" things into "I Did" things.

    So, what is on your bucket list? What are some things that you have done that have fulfilled you?

    Mondays with Mac: Rule #1...It's Golden

    June 14, 2010 2539 Views

    I grew up in Trenton, a west Tennessee town of five thousand people. I have wonderful memories of those first eighteen years, and many people in Trenton influenced my life in very positive ways. My football coach, Walter Kilzer, taught me the importance of hard work, discipline, and believing in myself. My history teacher, Fred Culp, is still the funniest person I've ever met. He taught me that a sense of humor, and especially laughing at yourself, can be one of life's greatest blessings.

    But my father was my hero. He taught me many things, but at the top of the list, he taught me to treat people with love and respect...to live the Golden Rule. I remember one particular instance of him teaching this "life lesson" as if it were yesterday. Dad owned a furniture store, and I used to dust the furniture every Wednesday after school to earn my allowance. One afternoon I observed my Dad talking to all the customers as they came in...the hardware store owner, the banker, a farmer, a doctor. At the end of the day, just as Dad was closing, the garbage collector came in.

    I was ready to go home, and I thought that surely Dad wouldn't spend too much time with him. But I was wrong. Dad greeted him at the door with a big hug and talked with him about his wife and son who had been in a car accident the month before. He empathized, he asked questions, he listened, and he listened some more. I kept looking at the clock, and when the man finally left, I asked, "Dad, why did you spend so much time with him? He's just the garbage collector." Dad then looked at me, locked the front door to the store, and said, "Son, let's talk."

    He said, "I'm your father and I tell you lots of stuff as all fathers should, but if you remember nothing else I ever tell you, remember this...treat every human being just the way that you would want to be treated." He said, "I know this is not the first time you've heard it, but I want to make sure it's the first time you truly understand it, because if you had understood, you would never have said what you said." We sat there and talked for another hour about the meaning and the power of the Golden Rule. Dad said, "If you live the Golden Rule everything else in life will usually work itself out, but if you don't, your life probably will be very unhappy and without meaning."

    I recently heard someone say, "If you teach your child the Golden Rule, you will have left them an estate of incalculable value." Truer words were never spoken.

    If you're a newsletter subscriber, you may have already read this story. However, with less than a week left before Father's Day, I wanted to share how my father taught me some of the most important lessons that I've learned in my life. Therefore, it made me want to know what lessons did you learn from your father? What examples do you follow from him? What habits will you try to avoid? What are some principles that you want to pass to the next generation?

    Guest Post: Lisa Hammond, The Barefoot CEO

    June 5, 2010 2993 Views

    Oh Thank Goodness, It's Not Just Me!Today, we have a guest post from, Lisa Hammond! Lisa is best known by her blogger alias, The Barefoot CEO®. Lisa also co-authored one of our newest titles, Oh Thank Goodness, It's Not Just Me! with BJ Gallagher.

    In Nevada we don't have the lottery, we have Mega Bucks—a progressive slot machine game—it may not be 300 million dollars, but it is certainly enough to change your life.

    I am not a real gambler but whenever we go to the movies we walk right past the Mega Bucks machines and I like to put in a few bucks and fantasize about winning.

    So every now and then I like to do what I call my "Mega Bucks Litmus Test". It goes a little something like this…I ponder what I would do if I actually won Mega Bucks.

    Over the years there have been times I wouldn't change a thing. There have been times I would make radical changes. And there have been times I would only make slight modifications to my life. But what I have learned about myself is that this somewhat silly Mega Bucks Litmus Test actually has merit.

    Life is too short to wait for our 10 million dollar ship to come in!

    Whenever I mull over my Mega Bucks Litmus Test I inevitably end up course correcting and adjusting the sails on the ship of my life.

    So what would YOU do if you won Mega Bucks?

    trying to win Megabucks!

    Some Famous Failures

    June 3, 2010 2938 Views

    "Only those who dare to fail greatly can achieve greatly." ~Robert F. Kennedy

    On our Facebook page, I shared a video about some famous failures. After some research, I found some other very interesting facts about people who failed on their way to success:

    Thomas Edison's teachers said he was "too stupid to learn anything." He was fired from his first two jobs for being "non-productive." As an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When a reporter asked, "How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?" Edison replied, "I didn't fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps."

    An expert said of Vince Lombardi: "He possesses minimal football knowledge and lacks motivation." Lombardi would later write, "It's not whether you get knocked down; it's whether you get back up."

    The first time Jerry Seinfeld walked on-stage at a comedy club as a professional comic, he looked out at the audience, froze, and forgot the English language. He stumbled through "a minute-and a half" of material and was jeered offstage. He returned the following night and closed his set to wild applause.

    In 1947, one year into her contract, Marilyn Monroe was dropped by 20th Century-Fox because her producer thought she was unattractive and cannot act.

    JK Rowling lived on welfare for years. A failing author, she went on to write the Harry Potter series, and today has an estimated worth over $1B. Among many recent notable successes, she performed Harvard's commencement speech.

    After his first audition, Sidney Poitier was told by the casting director, "Why don't you stop wasting people's time and go out and become a dishwasher or something?" Poitier vowed to show him that he could make it, going on to win an Oscar and become one of the most well-regarded actors in the business.

    The billion-dollar business that is Honda began with a series of failures and fortunate turns of luck. Soichiro Honda was turned down by Toyota Motor Corporation for a job after interviewing for a job as an engineer, leaving him jobless for quite some time. He started making scooters of his own at home, and spurred on by his neighbors, finally started his own business.

    What is your failure to success story?


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